Kunoichi
by GirlCrushonAli
Summary: Here's the stories that you didn't know  and maybe never wanted to hear  about the parents of the Konoha 12. Mostly making fun of kunoichi cliches-Meant to be humorous!
1. Opening

Contrary to popular opinion, kunoichi are not always sent out to seduce powerful men and gain new secrets for Konoha. In fact, most of the female ninjas of Konoha are just as they appear: tough, strong, and capable fighters. They are not universally weaker than their male counterparts, as the great Lady Tsunade shows, and frequently destroy their male partners in one-on-one battles. For this reason females are usually placed against one another for fights. It is completely deliberate and a sad attempt by the commonly male Hokages or Council members to prevent demoralization among the males of Konoha.

Not every village is like Konoha, and some villages do allow their female ninjas to annihilate their male counterparts. Mist had this as a particular favorite method and the former leader was apparently convinced that a good ass-kicking would show the men how weak they really were.

About half the female population loved her, while the other half and almost the entire male group thought that she was a crazy Amazonian bitch.

She quietly lost power and a perfectly ordinary male, who had never faced off in single combat against any female in his life, replaced her.

This is not a particularly well known even in any of the villages except Mist and Konoha. The first Hokage was extremely aware of how strong female ninja were, but he was more interested in keeping a population of ninja rather than having a single generations of amazing fighters. For this reason, Konoha (and several others villages that will never admit to emulating the great city) keeps only one kunoichi on three man teams and usually secretly restricts academy entrance to one-half that of males. There's twice as many male ninja compared to female in order to keep a population going. If the whole group of females capable of becoming ninja were used, Konoha would have a dramatic population decrease within a single generation. Ninja have a generally shortened life expectancy, and rather frequently the females never have children. Males also often lack offspring.

Ninja are not universally passionate people and there are rarely children of mixed village heritage. Ninja are usually intelligent and they know that mixing with other villages can cause conflicts of loyalty, and avoid having children outside their own sphere of influence. When these children appear, there is no signed agreement, just a general understanding that these children belong where they are born. This practice is due to the fact that these children are _almost always_ the result of one of those rare kunoichi trained to seduce other ninja. If the mission is long-term, then perhaps the child will be born in a waring village, but only of the mother chooses not to return hope before the birth. Fathers often have no idea about the birth, if the mother chooses to have the child, and orphanages in all villages have many "parentless" children who may actually have one or both of their progenitors living. Their fathers have no idea about their existence, and their mothers may be too valuable to remove from duty merely to care for an accident from a mission. These children are of course watched carefully and funneled into the ninja academy of their mother's village, well, only half if they are females.

Let us return from this digression to Konoha ninja.

The current generation is exceptionally odd in that all of the Rookie Nine, and three of the prior graduating class are related to these strange practices of kunoichi. The majority of their half-siblings that reside in Konoha are also current or future ninja, although not in the general population pool at this time.

Here are their stories.


	2. Kiba's Mom

Kiba Inuzuka

Kiba's mother is a well-trained kunoichi in every sense. She's an Inuzuka, so she of course a gifted fighter. Her three nin dogs are also exceptional. They also have not always been with Tsume.

Tsume is not extremely attractive, but rather follows the usual Inuzuka pattern of a large build, scraggly hair, and abnormal eyes. Surprisingly, this makes her an ideal kunoichi for missions of seduction that involve men who have unique tastes.

Tsume was trained to dominate men. This is natural in her clan, and apparently she took to the training like . . . well, a bitch in heat to a lovely male beast. She entered the training with a bit of reluctance, but Tsume wanted a family, a big family, and she quickly realized that being a normal kunoichi who just kicked male ass might hold her back. When her mother suggested the opportunity to control a few males as a strong dominatrix, Tsume accepted. Her mother was the one who actually withheld the standard Inuzuka tattooing until Tsume graduated and decided her konoichi path.

Tsume was only twelve and just out of the academy when she started learning. It's surprisingly normal for Inuzuka to enter puberty early, and Tsume was no exception. She was err . . . mature.

Tsume took extra training for just over a month before she was actually deemed "better than me" by the only true dominatrix in all of Konoha. Akamaru's mother was mildly pissed about being neglected, but one month was certainly better than the three years expected. The training was much faster than anyone anticipated, including those who assigned these special kunoichi missions. Tsume was still only twelve, so no one really felt comfortable sending her out, even if she was more developed than most sixteen year old female ninja (and certainly taller than all of them).

Poor Tsume was stuck on a genin team with a non-dominantrix jonin sensei for three years before anyone felt that she could be sent on the type of missions that she had been groomed for. During those three years she did manage to lose her virginity, practice her special skills, and of course gain chunin before her other two "standard" male teammates. Her dominating personality and the fact that she controlled their team might have had a role in their lack of development. The poor fools, including her sensei, had no idea what they were dealing with. Seduction konoichi are well-guarded secrets.

Tsume's first mission was a stunning success. She was sent to Suna to seduce the Kazekage himself, well, the future Kazekage. The man that would be Kankuro, Temari, and Gaara's father was always silent and boring. He had interesting cravings, and adored women who controlled him. He had too much power, and strangely didn't enjoy having women bow down before him. He liked it better when they bit back, at least in the bedroom.

Tsume spent six months in Suna establishing herself as a prostitute before the first time that the future Kazekage came to see her. He heard about her special brand of service from an extremely well-satisfied

chunin who worked in the then-current Kazekage's office. Needless to say, Tsume pleased both men.

Tsume spent another two years pumping the Kazekage for information under what would be called torture sessions by many normal people. For the future Kazekage, they were a huge turn on. He told her much more than he should, but it was all part of the weird game that he (and Tsume) enjoyed.

Tsume managed to reach eighteen before being recalled to Konoha. The poor future Kazekage was extremely disappointed, but he married not long after Tsume left. His wife was also an extremely capable women and had an extreme temper. She'd prove it years later when naming her last son, Gaara, and cursing her husband's future.

Tsume meanwhile had no idea that she was pregnant until she returned home and her faithful canine companion, who was thrilled to see her, announced his findings to her whole family. Needless to say, they were all thrilled, especially Tsume's mother. She managed to return pupped, and Inuzuka love children.

Hana was born after just six months (gestation for Inuzuka is complicated and won't be divulged here), and Tsume was back to being a normal chunin within another month. Her family took care of her pup , and she figured that she'd act like a normal Inuzuka chunin for a while.

Tsume got the red Inuzuka clan trademark tattoos and proceeded to rejoin her old genin cell, who had thankfully reached chunin status also. Hana stayed home while her dear ol' mum ranked up some interesting missions for both of her skill sets. Tsume's fiercely loyal family of the canine and human variety cared for her kid most of the time, but Tsume of course was a loving mother whenever she managed to stick around for Hana.

Tsume was eight when Tsume again went on a mission to reintroduce herself to the Kazekage. He was the Kazekage now, so Tsume had a slightly tougher time pulling one over on him. He had two kids though and a surprisingly boring sex-life, so when he heard about his favorite girl being back at his favorite brothel, he wasted no time heading over.

He was more tight lipped than before, but Hana managed. She did have to spend three years there to get the information that she wanted about the Sand's new jinchuriki and was appropriately horrified by her mark's plan. She didn't stay in Suna long enough to see the plan come to fruition and her child's third half-sibling be born.

Tsume made it home to Konoha without a proper goodbye for the Kazekage. Tsume was carrying his child too and she had no intention of letting her son become a jinchuriki. Nor did she plan on giving her life for that horrible event. Kiba never knew how close he was to being just like Naruto, but his mother's insistence that he not be a _complete_ ass to Naruto (since she knew how close Kiba was to being just like him) allowed for the quasi friendship that Naruto managed with the dog boy.

Tsume never met the Kazekage again, and he never knew that he had two additional children. Tsume stuck around with her second child a bit more, and managed to rank up to jonin. Her son was funneled into the academy, but her daughter barely finished before focusing on her dream of becoming a veterinarian. She showed a lot of promise in both aspects of her mother's career (she was the daughter of a kage level ninja), but she really wanted to pop out a bunch of pups. Her nin dogs had no complaints.

The Sand siblings have no idea that they have two additional siblings, but the two Inuzuka actually figured out their parentage. They have nin dogs, and nin dogs don't like to keep quiet about stuff like that. Dogs, much like the Inuzuka, are not tactful. Neither Hana nor Kiba had any idea who their father was until Kiba accidentally got too close to Temari and Akamaru warned him about relations with relatives. Nin dogs can smell relations, especially when they're very familiar with the scents. No one understands them really (the dogs), except the Inuzuka, so the Hokage didn't really mind when Tsume confessed to Tsunade that her children figured everything out.

Tsunade was also drunk at the time and appeared to have never read that particular mission briefing and was probably ignorant of the whole thing.

Never the less, Inuzukas are fiercely loyal to Konoha (they're dogs after all), so Kiba and Hana both wanted nothing exposing their relation to the Sand, their Kazekage, or its ninja, even if they are the children of a kage and all of the bragging rights that could be theirs. They could also just be using these prejudices as excuses to avoid any relation to the guy who reminds them too much of a cat (or the one who _still_ smells like blood and raccoon).


	3. Shino's ParentF

Shino Aburame

The father of Aburame Shino is a perfectly typical Aburame male. Aburames are extremely logical creates, occasionally ignoring emotions and common decency in favor of the "more intelligent choice." Shibi is no exception.

Aburame males are often ninja, but females usually function as hosts for their clan's insects and usually chose not to participate in any activities that may damage them. Essentially, the males are the drones of the clan, bowing down to the females every whim. Many insects function in a similar manner, with larger, more powerful females controlling the males. Hives usually function around a single females with each of the males reproducing with her (it also could be mentioned that the female insects of a hive sometimes produce male children to father their own next generation). Hives are also made up of sterile females, but males humans are essentially mutated females, so the Aburame females don't seem to take issue with this. There are also very few Aburame females born. It is a genetic fact that males sperm determine the offspring's in humans, but a lesser known fact is that females are often capable of selective abortion. Females in many species, and for some degree in _average _humans, can abort based on the sex of a child.

Aburames are somewhere between human and insect in many of their practices.

Let us return to Shibi. He is a gifted Aburame, and is now considered the pride of his clan. The Aburame produce geniuses at a rate far above any other clan in Konoha, although a genius by the Aburame standards is rare. A Hyuga or Uchiha born with the intellect of an average Aburame would most certainly be the "genius of his generation." Aburames are thankfully more subtle than other clans, and the whole of Konoha is thankful. The Neji and Sasuke's of Konoha would really not be so interesting if every few months a new one popped into existence.

Sorry, here's my promised return to our favorite Aburame's past. He is the child of one of the most powerful females in the Aburame, and as such was expected to produce excellent offpsring.

Shibi noticed that Aburame genetics were somewhat lacking (return to former note if confused as to why), decided to find the strongest female that he could, and produce an heir with exceptionally diverse genetics.

Now if you want to find the most diverse genetics that you can, you do not stay inside of your home village.

Konoha is a large village, but it is still pretty small. Everyone is related to everyone by some small degree among the ninja. Clans are the worst, and whether they admit their relationships or not, they all have similar genetics, even if they do not carry blood-line limits (this is why the Hyuga heirs are decidedly more powerful than their several generation predecessors. For more information, please see the notes on Hyugas Hinata, Hanabi, and Neji).

Shibi thought long about how to recruit a powerful kunoichi from another village to bear his own children. He was not naïve to the ways of other, normal humans, either.

Very few kunoichi would intellectually understand the benefits of such a union. Most would find it humiliating to be asked, and Shibi had no intention of asking multiple females. He didn't want the ways of the Aburame aired out for every village outside Konoha, never mind in Konoha itself.

He also knew that no good foreign kunoichi would want to give Konoha an exceptionally strong ninja to use in their arsenal, especially when such a child could strengthen a foreign clan.

After discussing this issue with some of his fellow clans people (his mother's advice was particularly helpful), Shibi decided to have a foreign kunoichi seduce him in order to gain details of his clan's jutsus inside of a secret scroll that solely he (Shibi) could access.

The scroll of course never existed since each Aburame develops his or her own techniques with his or her own insects when learning beyond the basics taught by a parent.

Shibi's second cousin (who was also his third and fourth cousin) paid for the mission. The cousin paid for an A class mission from Cloud, claiming that Shibi was an A class nin and that the secrets contained in the scroll were worth the cost. No one in Konoha would take a mission against their own village, so the story made sense when the cousin approached enemy shinobi for assistance.

Shibi was actually only a B-ranked nin at that time, and the Aburame figured that Cloud would be extremely anxious to get any clan jutsus from Konoha, especially since they were always craving blood-line limits.

The Aburame were of course correct, and Cloud sent one of their top kunoichi to "seduce" Shibi. She could have destroyed him at any time during her mission, but the brilliant, but misled, woman had no idea that her mission was a complete fabrication. She intended to cheat the Aburame Clan anyway, and steal the scroll for her home village, so the Aburame didn't really feel too sore about using her (never mind that the logic behind their argument for their decisions would probably have prevented any guilt whatsoever).

When the poor kunoichi found herself pregnant, Cloud decided that a clan's jutsu secret's were worth the cost of adding one single ninja to Konoha's ranks. In Cloud the child would only have been a standard ninja without the Aburame clan jutsus. In the Aburame clan he was welcomed in a far larger gathering than was traditional, but the outsider kunoichi thankfully had no idea. As such, the kunoichi was still on the mission three years later when her son, of course named Shino, was just over two years old and she found herself pregnant again.

This time Cloud withdrew their ninja and sadly called the mission a bust. Even after marrying Shibi and producing a child, he had yet to show any hint of the long awaited jutsu scroll. His wife was back in Cloud serving missions within a month of her pregnancy discovery. Shibi handled his wife's disappearance with indifference, although he was sad to lose a second child that would have been another great asset to his clan. He didn't dwell on the loss, as he had succeeded in producing one genetically anomalous offspring.

Shino is well aware of who his mother is, but he logically sees this as no consequence. He is also aware that he has a full-blooded sister whom he may one day face in any battles with Cloud, but he accepts that she isn't really of consequence. She never had the insects implanted in her that are required in the Aburame, and is as such, not a part of his hive . . . err . . . clan. He will kill her to protect his village and hive, although he would of course prefer to assimilate her into his clan. She won't be too old to receive the bugs until she is 15, so all Aburame keep an eye out for her. They of course don't know that she wasn't slated to become a ninja, and will thus never come in contact with any of her Konoha relatives. She seems perfectly average to all of the people in Cloud, even if her skin is a bit dark and her hair a bit too curly for their standard civilian.

Shino is also well aware that he is expected to sire many, many children with many Aburame females. And if he fathers them with other ninja, then the Aburame will only be too thrilled. Shino is the most amiable child that they have produced in generations, and is considered uniquely talkative among his clan. They're convinced that he is a "lady's man," and by Aburame standards, he probably is.


	4. Hinata's Mother

Hinata Hyuga

The father of Hinata Hyuga is an exceptional shinobi. He's actually good enough to have been considered for the place of Hokage, if he were less stubborn, and of course if he were not closely affiliated with a prominent clan in Konoha. As it is, Hiashi refuses to practice anything except the Gentle Fist style and his allegiance is always to his clan before the village.

Hiashi's wife was not a Hyuga, although most everyone in Konoha believes this to be the case. The Hyuga council approved her on the premise that she was a civilian, but they were not as foolish as Cloud would have liked them to believe.

Hiashi's wife was no doubt a skilled kunoichi, but she really sucked at chakra manipulation. Her low chakra capacity (and stamina) prevented her from from having a brilliant career as a standard kunoichi, but they served her well in her infiltration missions. Most ninja who even came in contact with her believed her to be a civilian. Only her incredible chakra control and taijutsu prevented her career choices from being relegated to a simple prostitute (or flower-presser). She also lacked that aggressive streak seen in Rock Lee and Maito Gai that would have allowed for a stunning career in taijutsu mastery.

Cloud's choice of Hinabi also related to her extremely pale complexion and lovely dark hair—characteristics that the Hyuga praised.

Remarkably, all of these little traits, including her shinobi talent, culminated in the Hyuga clan elders deeming her permissible for the clan head's bride.

Cloud sent Hinabi into Konoha as a civilian refugee from a wealthy family of ninja and nobles under pretense that had their village had been destroyed. Of course, Cloud had also destroyed the village and anyone who could claim that Hinabi was not the daughter of the village leader.

She arrived in Konoha and settled quite happily in a large estate near the Hyuga compound. She and her partner from Cloud worked in Konoha gaining influence and prestige among the clans before making their move. They were there for six months before catching the eye of Hiashi.

The first time that Hiashi noticed her, she was picking flowers near one of his favorite training grounds. She had of course known that he liked to frequent the area; she was bored of watching him, so had wandered off to pick some flowers.

Hiashi noticed her when he activated his Byakugan and was checking the area for anyone that might be spying on his newest techniques. Cloud hadn't anticipated the extent of the Byakugan's abilities, so when Hiashi saw Hinabi's chakra pathways, he immediately knew that she was a ninja, even if her capacity only indicated genin level.

Hiashi was actually the one who approached her, and he was actually remarkably taken with Hinabi even before speaking with her. She really did fit the Hyuga ideals of beauty, even if he could see that she lacked chakra strength. No matter the reputation that some that Hyugas might have for stoicism, and even the rumors that later abounded in Konoha, Hiashi was a passionate man at that time.

He spied her spying on her for the first time then and several times after. He was not a stupid man and quickly realized that the woman was actually frequently in the same places as him. He wouldn't have described it as stalking exactly, but the relationship was remarkably similar to the generation later situation between Hinata and Naruto (Hiashi was just never dense it came to girls unlike a certain blonde jinchuriki).

He was quite flattered with the attention from the wealthy girl,and eventually decided to ask the clan elders' permission to date Hinabi.

Hiashi was questioned before the elders about the girl for several hours about any interactions between the two and about any previous knowledge about her. Hiashi really had very little for them beyond his belief that she was a low-level ninja and was extremely attractive. The elders unanimously voted for Hiashi to wait while they performed their own investigation.

Their "investigation" consisted of Hyuga scanning the home of Hinabi as well as stalking her on several occasions. Not six weeks later Hiashi was granted his request and told rather forcefully that Hinabi would be an excellent partner, but that she was most definitely _not_ a kunoichi. Hiashi found their approval extremely confusing, but accepted their decision and eventually married her. She fit perfectly in with the clan, and if no one outside of the compound seemed to remember that she even wasn't a Hyuga, that suited the elders just fine.

In this way the Hyuga practiced what was certainly not their first eugenics experiment. The council of the Hyuga clan was well aware that inbreeding in the Uchiha had caused some serious . . . er . . . freaks to be produced, so they decided to accept this Cloud kunoichi. Her taijutsu and exceptional chakra would hopefully carry onto any potential heirs, as they were perfectly suited to the Hyuga style. (And yes, of course her pretty looks and the fact that her children would look like Hyuga's played a role)

Right before the induction of his wife into the Hyuga clan, Hiashi was made aware of the little breeding experiment that he was set to take part in. He found himself quite jaded following the council's quiet announcement, but he of course went through with the marriage. His personality took a turn for the worse after finding that his wife was just in Konoha to try to steal clan secrets, but most people seem to become less happy after marriage (or at least that was the reasoning of anyone in Konoha who noticed a difference).

Hinabi meanwhile had no idea that her cover had been discovered. Cloud had plenty of spies in Konoha, but none in the Hyuga, otherwise they would already have possessed the Byakugan. She was a patient woman though, so she stuck with her mission even after her induction into the clan revealed nothing new. Hyashi occasionally gave her false information about his abilities, so he kept her hopes for stealing the dojutsu alive.

When she became pregnant she thought for sure that Cloud would order her return and that she would be hailed as a hero for her country. Cloud actually never knew of her pregnancy, as the Hyuga had quietly eradicated her messages to Cloud for several months prior. Her "uncle"quite silently died of heart failure just after her entry into the clan. Hinabi received word to maintain her position from a false Cloud missive, and received no more responses until her death.

Cloud assumed that she'd either been killed or turned rogue until several years later when an ambassador happened upon the aging woman.

Hinabi was actually quite involved in the plot to kidnap her first daughter and if Hyashi had trusted her, the plan would have succeeded. She let the man into the Hyuga estate and was responsible for leading him to Hinata's room. Hinabi was quite anxious to return to Cloud herself and desperately wanted her daughter there with her. As it were, Hinata was rescued and the man eliminated, so no one from Cloud ever knew that their agent was still loyal to their cause. As for Hinabi, she gave birth to her second daughter and had finally done enough for the Hyuga. They quickly eliminated her shortly after.

Hinata Hyuga's appearance and personality remarkably mirror her mother's. She quiet and obedient, but still extremely eager to please, just like her mother. Hinata also looks remarkably like her mother, possessing traits such as her well developed body that are not typical to Hyuga girls. Hinata does differ from her mother in that chakra capacity isn't nearly as low as her mother's, nor does she excel in the true Gentle Fist style. She is also more aggressive than her mother ever was (if you dare to invoke her anger by threatening her precious people).

The clan sees Hinata as a weakness because she looks and acts too much like her mother. They still haven't figured out that Hinabi raised her daughter to be a gentle creature to prevent another menace to Cloud from developing. They'll happily use to her have children if they can, but they're hoping to relegate those children to the branch family.

They also don't realize that Hinata is already on her way to being far stronger than the normal Hyuga thanks to an exceptional talent with nature based chakra manipulation. Hinata's also managed to adapt the Gentle Fist enough so that she will eventually be able to beat her father in fair fight. He would of course fight dirty so she might never win, but we'll probably never find out.

Hinabi Hyuga is exactly what the council and Hiashi wanted. She possesses the talent of the Hyuga and excels at pure Gentle First. Their favoritism is also of course aided by her appearance in that she resembles her father and most certainly not her mother. She is also overly aggressive thanks to a lack of a female presence in her life, but the council never really figured that out.

The elder Hyugas are really not as smart as they think that they are.


End file.
